Last week, I had an internet discussion with a mother regarding secular culture’s attitude toward sex. During our conversation, the mother conveyed her despair that, “statistically no matter what kind of parent I am that is unlikely to happen.” “That” referring to her daughter remaining a virgin until she gets married. Frankly, statistics are often completely misleading, and in this case, they mix in bad parents with good parents, holy parents with secular humanists.
Continuing in our discussion, the mother expressed her regrets of failing to wait until marriage, that it greatly damaged her, and that she doesn’t see how it could be any different for her daughter. I responded with the following:
Dear mother,
I mean this from the bottom of my heart. Have hope that your children are not doomed to sin. You are their mother, and your duty, your right, and your holy charge is to do battle with the forces of evil for the souls of your children. I know plenty of people who grew up in good homes with holy families, and waited until marriage. I am one of them. Don’t believe the lies society, the media, the radical feminists put out. It is a war which can be won, and God gave you this task because he believes you are up to the challenge. The fact that we’re even having this conversation is evidence that you are up to the task.
Belief that your children will fail predestines them (not in a Calvinist way) to failure. Believe that they will succeed and giving them the tools to do so will help them when they are assaulted on all sides by those who want them to give in and fail. You can teach her that her virginity is something special, and that if a man tells her he won’t love her until she gives it up, that he doesn’t really love her, that if he really loved her, he would wait. Best intentions cannot succeed if the expectation is failure. It’s kinda like telling my daughter she has to go to school, but believing that she won’t pass. Isn’t it our job as parents to give them what they need to succeed? I would help her study and help with her homework, get tutoring, whatever she needed to make sure she succeeded. The same is true from a moral stance. I will give my daughter all the wisdom and knowledge I can to help her make the right decisions. She may fail, but she has a much better chance of success if I believe she can succeed.
The other side of that coin is that if they fall, you love them through it. That doesn’t mean you accept their sin, but that you love them and forgive them in spite of their sin.
I want you to know this is a totally heartfelt message. My wife and I are both living proof that success is attainable.
God be with you.
